Being driven mad?

[K8B]

I have a difficult family. Lots of money and emotional problems. Lots of mental illness - diagnosed and undiagnosed. I seem to have been the one identified as the person who will sort things out and get things done. I now have a life threatening illness and a serious anxiety disorder as a result. The way that my family works is that my mother will phone me and tell me about all the problems that x, y & z are having. I then experience tremendous pressure to help out, lose sleep with anixety over x, y & z. No one helps me though. A lot of this (most of this) is unspoken.
The latest is an elderly aunt of mine who is neglecting herself and her home. I decided several years ago that I didn't want to spend time with her as she can be very difficult, judgemental and unpleasant. Being with her makes my heart condition worse (it is stress related). She is now more unwell and my mother rings me three or four times a week to tell me all about it. She will then finish up saying "Of course, you've got your own problems, so don't worry about it" I feel as if she wants me to pick up the reins as I always have and right now I won't. This is not stopping me making myself sick with worry and guilt. My aunt has other family and has refused all help offered - she can afford care and won't pay for it or take it.
Right now I feel like a wicked, selfish, mean bitch and hate myself for it. I struggle to look after my own family and hold down my full time job with my health problems and I just want out! At the moment I want to stop all contact, it just goes on and on and on.......
What do I do?
K8B

[Booky]

I have a difficult family. Lots of money and emotional problems. Lots of mental illness - diagnosed and undiagnosed. I seem to have been the one identified as the person who will sort things out and get things done. I now have a life threatening illness and a serious anxiety disorder as a result. The way that my family works is that my mother will phone me and tell me about all the problems that x, y & z are having. I then experience tremendous pressure to help out, lose sleep with anixety over x, y & z. No one helps me though. A lot of this (most of this) is unspoken.
The latest is an elderly aunt of mine who is neglecting herself and her home. I decided several years ago that I didn't want to spend time with her as she can be very difficult, judgemental and unpleasant. Being with her makes my heart condition worse (it is stress related). She is now more unwell and my mother rings me three or four times a week to tell me all about it. She will then finish up saying "Of course, you've got your own problems, so don't worry about it" I feel as if she wants me to pick up the reins as I always have and right now I won't. This is not stopping me making myself sick with worry and guilt. My aunt has other family and has refused all help offered - she can afford care and won't pay for it or take it.
Right now I feel like a wicked, selfish, mean bitch and hate myself for it. I struggle to look after my own family and hold down my full time job with my health problems and I just want out! At the moment I want to stop all contact, it just goes on and on and on.......
What do I do?
K8B:cool: No one can make you feel in negative ways without your consent.

I say it is never correct to stop all contact.

In extreme cases of abuse then cut contact for a while but we must always turn back.

Cutting off contact is really a mean and weak thing to do.

You need to establish a personal relationship boundary with each other person be they family or otherwise.

Tell the Aunt "no", you will not do it and then no more discussion about it.

Make your no mean no, and your yes mean yes. That is the most basic relationship boundary in any type of relationship.

They do not like the "no" and that is their problem.

They call you names, they complain, they criticize, but you must NOT give them any argument at all. No arguing because you said "no" and that is it.

By cutting off contact then their pressure tactics have us on the run and that is not healthy in most cases. And cutting off contact also cuts off the important stuff that you want and need. Like family news and events such as some one dies, others get married or have babies, etc., we want to know what is happening in our families.

This is how I see it, and that is how I deal with my rotten and obnoxious family of mine.

Many in my dysfunctional family have cut off contact with me while I try to cummunicate with each of them. That is a whole lot better in my opinion then the old way of having them dump on me. Those few people that do not cut off contact while keeping functional boundaries are always the cream of the crop.

:o