Trudijane
04-19-2008, 06:30 AM
Hi,
I have a complicated problem. I want to be honest, but if I am I know I will have things that are good for me taken away, ie, a prescription drug and the trust of a few Drs.
I also have a dual diagnosis problem. I have been very depressed lately to the point that I knew I had to do something, so I managed to get into an outpatient hospitalization program which I have gone to this week, which was fine.
My Dr. is prescribing me "Suboxone" which is a harm reduction drug for opiates which I was addicted to and kept on relapsing. I take a small amount, and it has been a lifesaver, regardless of the fact that it, in itself, is also addictive. I also have been prescribed klonopin for panic attacks as of 10 years ago. I has no adverse affects and I have never abused it.
During a dual diagnosis group meeting (I've been to those before), I got irritated that it was implied that I was addicted to klonopin even though I have taken 1 mg at night and have never abused it plus my Dr. who is very smart agrees that it has helped me enormously. I'd rather not be on them only because if I ever had to stop, I would go through a difficult withdrawal. I was addicted to opiates for a pain/emotional problem, but not the klonopin.
My problem though has to do with valium. I have many from the past that I have been taking lately (in place of the klonopin) because, it is more effective in taking away the pain I have from a GI problem for which the Drs. have not been able to find a good way of managing this. And, to be truthful, I like the way it makes me feels more so than klonopin. I just take klonopin to help the panic attacks I used to have and choose not to go through withdrawal.
I should not be taking the valium. At the end of the dual diagnosis group, everyone has to take a urine test. I did not take it as I had just gone to the bathroom, but realized that I will have to and suddenly I got scared to death to the point that I want to leave the program that I voluntarily joined. Why? Because the Dr. that is prescribing the suboxone to me might decide to take that away because it is not being prescribed to me and I should not be taking it with suboxone, but I tend to self-medicate and number 2, my PCP, I have been with him 20 years, and I don't want to betray his trust. It was just my secret w/o any problems. It was to escape depression, help me take a nap when I was in pain, etc.
If it is found in my urine, these Drs. will definitely know. So, even tho I should be in this program for depression, I'm at the point of discontinuing going or maybe postponing it and wean off the valium or start taking the klonopin (I don't take both) as prescribed.
I don't know what to do. It's complicated. They might put me in the hospital to detox off everything that has sustained me for years and I'm 57 years old and want control of my own life even if it's not the best for me.
There's lots more, but this is the basic story. I know I'm holding back and fibbing by ommission by I stand to lose a lot that has been helping me.
Thanks.
I have a complicated problem. I want to be honest, but if I am I know I will have things that are good for me taken away, ie, a prescription drug and the trust of a few Drs.
I also have a dual diagnosis problem. I have been very depressed lately to the point that I knew I had to do something, so I managed to get into an outpatient hospitalization program which I have gone to this week, which was fine.
My Dr. is prescribing me "Suboxone" which is a harm reduction drug for opiates which I was addicted to and kept on relapsing. I take a small amount, and it has been a lifesaver, regardless of the fact that it, in itself, is also addictive. I also have been prescribed klonopin for panic attacks as of 10 years ago. I has no adverse affects and I have never abused it.
During a dual diagnosis group meeting (I've been to those before), I got irritated that it was implied that I was addicted to klonopin even though I have taken 1 mg at night and have never abused it plus my Dr. who is very smart agrees that it has helped me enormously. I'd rather not be on them only because if I ever had to stop, I would go through a difficult withdrawal. I was addicted to opiates for a pain/emotional problem, but not the klonopin.
My problem though has to do with valium. I have many from the past that I have been taking lately (in place of the klonopin) because, it is more effective in taking away the pain I have from a GI problem for which the Drs. have not been able to find a good way of managing this. And, to be truthful, I like the way it makes me feels more so than klonopin. I just take klonopin to help the panic attacks I used to have and choose not to go through withdrawal.
I should not be taking the valium. At the end of the dual diagnosis group, everyone has to take a urine test. I did not take it as I had just gone to the bathroom, but realized that I will have to and suddenly I got scared to death to the point that I want to leave the program that I voluntarily joined. Why? Because the Dr. that is prescribing the suboxone to me might decide to take that away because it is not being prescribed to me and I should not be taking it with suboxone, but I tend to self-medicate and number 2, my PCP, I have been with him 20 years, and I don't want to betray his trust. It was just my secret w/o any problems. It was to escape depression, help me take a nap when I was in pain, etc.
If it is found in my urine, these Drs. will definitely know. So, even tho I should be in this program for depression, I'm at the point of discontinuing going or maybe postponing it and wean off the valium or start taking the klonopin (I don't take both) as prescribed.
I don't know what to do. It's complicated. They might put me in the hospital to detox off everything that has sustained me for years and I'm 57 years old and want control of my own life even if it's not the best for me.
There's lots more, but this is the basic story. I know I'm holding back and fibbing by ommission by I stand to lose a lot that has been helping me.
Thanks.