Tired of Weed

[Frustrated_Moe]

Hello everyone,

I have been smoking weed semi-regularly now for about 5 years. As a teenager I had experimented with it a few times but never really liked it. Then sometime in my mid-twenties I tried it again and something just clicked. I haven't been able to give it up since.

At first weed was fun. I'd have really "profound" thoughts...at least they seemed profound until the weed wore off. Listening to music seemed much more enjoyable, as did TV and movies. I also found that marijuana enhanced sexual experiences as well...which is probably the real reason why weed clicked with me.

Weed is having an increasingly negative impact on my life however. Weed is no longer fun. Whenever I get high I just end up sitting around by myself, paranoid and feeling like life is much worse than it actually is. The odd time when I do smoke pot with others I become socially withdrawn, as I don't talk very much. Its rarely an enjoyable experience and yet I'm drawn to it again and again.

I'm also taking a lot of risks and putting myself in stupid situations because of my marijuana use. The other day I went to work high, I work in warehouse and drive a fork lift most of the day. Not a good thing to be doing when you're stoned. I've also driven under the influence and have had 1 near accident and 1 fender-bender, I believe because marijuana was in my system.

When I'm not high I feel irritable. I can experience explosive, irrational anger. I don't want to be close to anyone and I feel like isolating myself. All of this coming at different times, and in varying degrees of intensity. Its unpleasant for me and for others around me.

I also experience physical withdrawal when I go for longer periods without it. Muscle tension is the main thing. A few years ago I went about 2 months without weed. For the first few weeks I would wake up in the morning and feel pain right down into my bones. It was very uncomfortable.

As I mentioned before I work in a warehouse. My co-workers are my friends and we are almost all pot smokers. One of the guys I work with deals it and so I have no shortage of supply these days. Even with the best intentions to quit I know exactly where to go whenever I feel the itch.

I'm trying to get up the courage to check out some NA meetings. I really need to quit. I don't smoke it every day...but I smoke it enough that its messing things up for me. I don't know if I'll be posting on here again as I usually give up on forums really easily, I just wanted to vent!

Thanks

[AKN]

I hope you'll come back, it's a little lonely here.

I totally know where you're coming from. I was smoking heavily for 10 years before i quit recently, tried to quit for 5 years before this. Its different this time i think because I'm scared. I'm not sure though, I wish so much I could pinpoint what made me change. I've been having weird withdrawal symptoms and cravings, but have also felt good and at times happier than i've been in a long time.

Two thoughts have helped the most to keep my on track..

1) to consider smoking simply not an option. in a strong sense. almost anything is better than that. so long as it's not dangerous to others or immediately to myself. "not an option" has become my mantra. the vices i've been indulging in most are sex and nicotine. and i gotta say, i didn't expect it but sex is actually better, i'm just more 'present'.... and being more social i get to do it more. hehe. so "i can get laid more!" has been another good mantra. ;)

2) is thinking that I never, ever want to go through this withdrawal crap ever, ever again. and the only way i can guarantee that is to not smoke again.

I hope there's something helpful there... good luck :)

[fawn]

I quit three days ago. I'm not really having any sort of rough withdrawal, I'm just sad because I'm thinking about all the things I didn't think about when I was high.

[whatIStheWHAT]

hmmm. i gotta start by saying that finding these posts was a great encouragement. i have always known there were multitudes among us who blazed on a regular basis, but to hear the insecurities, worries and frustrations that i've felt for years articulated here helps in taking this problem seriously.

a recap: started when i was 16, am now almost 30. i smoke on a daily or weekly basis, depending on life circumstances, principally work. i have never quit for any longer than a couple of months.

i live and work overseas in a business that provides ample (at times, too much) free time. i'll work hard for weeks or a month, and then be back to stretches of inactivity. it is this boredom more than anything, combined of course with the addictive properties of the drug and likely a lack of will power, that tempts me to buy the next sack.

why do i like weed... when i have a day with nothing much to do, i'll smoke and go on adventures, be it a bus ride into a bustling capital city, walking through my small town to get a cup of coffee or renting a motorcycle and rolling to the beach. according to my current state of mind, weed converts all those things into mini adventures, or certainly more interesting than they would be were i sober. come to think of it, there's very little (excusing intense social situations) that wouldn't appeal to me more on weed.

ha, finished that paragraph and then immediately got a phone call inviting me to attend an intense social situation. i smoked thrice today but am still going to go.

allow me to depart with this one personal irony... i get high, be it for a mini adventure or a movie, and will enjoy the situation temporarily but ultimately find myself lamenting the fact i smoked, and disparaging myself for having caved once again. a cycle to be sure. i read somewhere in this forum that we've had enough weed, that we know what's its like, that there is nothing new or enlightening or beneficial to come from it. it is time to move on. indeed.

i'm going to take a shower.

[NYLinda]

I was blown away when I found this forum. I am probably older than all of you. I'm old enough to be a grandma...
I always loved weed in college. I would grab any chance to catch a buzz, even if it meant dating a guy who was cute, but stupid and I hung with him for the buzz.
I got married, had kids and started growing my own homegrown. I smoked so much of the home grown one winter, I actually got pneumonia. The doctor said stuff was deep in my lungs. I figured it had to be resin from the green home grown and was ashamed of myself.
I've gone for long periods of time without it, but then happen to be somewhere it's being smoked and once I take that hit... yep..... I want more. I have a couple of friends who cop some to me once in a while, or I buy a small amount. I let it run out... mostly because I usually binge on it until it's gone. and yes, I have gone to work stoned and had to deal with the public and went home later shaking my head and calling myself "dummy"!
I tried going to a kind of lame recovery group meeting thing. It wasn't one of the regular ones you hear about like AA or NA.. it was through a church.
You see, the real irony of all of this is that I am a Christian. Oh yes...a Bible believing follower of Jesus and I smoke weed...that's the biggest conundrum. How could such a thing happen? This shouldn't be happening to me. But, I am not walking the path I am supposed to be walking.
As for the recovery meetings at the church... I am not sure if I got as much out of it as I thought I would. But, then again... I started getting high again, like an ass... so, it's hard to keep my mind from drifting... But, I remember sitting there on my first night, thinking to myself... I'm not like these people, I am not an addict.... then, I had to face the reality... I am.
The group stopped meeting for the summer, which makes no sense to me, because people in recovery need the consistency of the regular meeting. I need something I can count on to help me kick this crap.
I absolutely understood the person who said it's like taking little adventures when you do activities stoned. Going to buy groceries.... or a drive in the car on a highway or scenic area is like a mini vacation if you have good tunes.
I also know the downside of running out. It's worse if I've had a good supply and have been tokin' in up fairly regularly for a week or so. I am so surprised to read about the person who had the bone pain upon withdrawal. I sometimes suffer with terrible bone pain, but never equated it to marijuana use! I was worried it was an onset of arthritis.
A registered nurse recently told me marijuana is a depressant. I guess that's why I get so bummed the day after I have smoked. I also find myself irritable and have an overall "grumpy" feeling sometimes the next day or if I run out later. To wake up with stuffed up sinuses... coughing on and off throughout the next day and each day you continue to smoke the stuff. Temporary short term memory loss... difficulties maintaining focus for very long.

With all these "lovely" attributes <rolls eyes>, I cannot understand why I continue to do it.

I would very much like to be rid of the termptation and enjoyment of marijuana. I can't wait for that quiet time when I will go take a smoke... Ahhh yes... BUT...Once I am done, which can and does take a while at times, since I have little restraint in me to stop ... I have to go through the ritual of the mouth wash, eye drops...wash my hands, I even change my shirt and throw the other one in the wash. A performance of deceipt, concealment and disguise. I must act a role. It's carrying out the lie. Sometimes it is effort. I dare not make eyecontact for fear my eyes might still be red. Am I talking too fast? Am I acting too silly, or am I incoordinated? That happens sometimes... Highs are different, I read about that once... it's true... some pot gives a head high and you feel energized and you have many thoughts. for me they sometimes seem profound... you get a lot accomplished. Other highs are a body high and you get a little gumby and spastic. You are awkward and move almost stifly. Some do both and that's like winding up a jack in a box.

How I want to rid myself of this temptation and desire for ever!!! I need to know how to do this with success!! I need a group of people to talk this through with.. to listen to them, their successes...
I need to stop smoking marijuana. Lord, I need help to do it.

[not stoned]

NY Linda, I am so glad that I came across your post because I love someone very like you and I desperately want her to quit smoking pot.

My wife, who is in her 50s and also a deeply religious Christian, is a long time pot smoker and started long before our 15+ year marriage. I am here on this board to see if I can gain some insight into what she is thinking and see if there is a way to get her to stop because her pot habit is slowly but surely undermining our marriage.

Just so you know that I am no puritan, I understand the adventures smoking pot can make of every day life and used to smoke often when I was in my twenties. In fact I tried pretty much any drug that didn't involve needles and used to snort cocaine at night clubs, drop acid at Grateful Dead concerts, eat psychedelic mushrooms at tractor pulls and any number of other adventures that drugs made wildly more fun. As I grew older I found I got more satisfaction out of creative accomplishments, be they professional or personal, and drugs just got in the way of getting things done. It may help that I am in the design field and so make my living in an expressive way. I don't lack for creative ideas not being stoned and I think I am more creative straight than otherwise. For me my use just tapered off so I guess I am grateful to God that I don't crave getting high.

I have three older brothers who have been smoking dope more or less constantly as long as I can remember and still do so into their late 50s. They have made lives for themselves with various levels of material and familial success and seem like they are doing ok. I find it harder to relate to them as I grow older as their personalities seem frozen in time from when we were all much younger. I attribute that to them being baked but I take my attitude toward them from John 8:2-11: Who am I to judge?

With my wife the situation is different. She has a lot of frustration with her life. When she is straight she can be charming, insightful and fun. When she is high, which I can tell by her body language or just the tone of her voice, I feel like I am sharing my life with a not very bright ghost. She works intermittently in a variety of creative fields including as a fine artist but her work is stalled and she has a huge problem staying focused on any one thing long enough to do her best work. She rationalizes that she needs to get high to be creative but the fact is sober she is one of the most creative people I have ever met. Ironically in our circle of friends and acquaintances I have found this to be a common case that those who meet with success in terms of gaining an audience for their work are those who take a serious, sober approach to their work and those who rely on drugs for inspiration just kind of fade away. It pains me to see signs of her fading away.

So I give all this background because I want you to know that the people that love you best are those that want to help you to quit so they can enjoy you enjoying the best parts of yourself unfiltered by the haze of dope. Do you feel like you have that support from your family and friends? Do those who are close to you even know what you are going through? Chances are there is someone who may be waiting for an opportunity to help.

I know that in my case I pray my wife would say to me what you put in your post. She holds so tightly to this crutch of getting high and despite that I think she knows deep down she has a problem (and in fact has alluded to it in rare unguarded moments) she just digs in her heels harder when I confront her about it. Like you she thinks she is hiding it but it is plain to see for anyone who truly cares. I don't know if it's pride or fear or something else entirely but it is agonizing to see her squander her God-given talents in procrastination and dopey navel gazing year after year when she has so much more to offer. I ache not being able to help her but I am sure there is someone in your life who feels about you like I do about my wife.

All the conventional wisdom says that the addict has to reach rock bottom to ask for help, that there have to be interventions and ultimatums to create change. That may be true but I like to think of Saul on the road to Damascus. It may be just as simple as having a light go off that accepting help from people that love you is all you really need.

[jenny]

Hello everyone,

I don't know if I'll be posting on here again as I usually give up on forums really easily, I just wanted to vent!

Thanks

I can feel your condition. It is really sadening. Anyway I also strongly feel that you will be successful in quitting smoking and I wish to see you here in this forum with your real experiences that will at least help other marijuana abusers to think twice before they go for it again.