Scuse me, weed's addicted to ME!

[LisaSimpson]

Haha, I wish.

Annnnyways, after wasting away my high school years as a stuck-up and self-righteous bitch, I puffed on the magic dragon for the first time my Soph. year of college and haven't looked back. Well, it started out as my new party buzz since alcohol always makes me feel sick, and pot, conversely, felt like music. Couple months later I moved in with some potheads, and then it was game over.

I talk the talk, but I'm a pretty serious student, so it's not like I literally spend hours of each day stoned out of my gourd, but I smoke pretty consistently, to the point where it has become somewhat a significant negative in terms of schoolwork and also having money (only thing I'll consistently throw down sixty bucks for, no questions asked), also I'd just sort of like to stop because it's illegal, and I know it's unlikely I'll end up in the slammer, but it is a crime, and it's just pretty risky considering I'm not too terribly attached.

OR SO I THOUGHT. Giving it up is tough work, and I think it's partially because I can't really logically talk myself out of it. Yeah school would probably go a little easier if I didn't smoke the P, but I still make good grades, so that doesn't cut it. Money thing's a concern, but my drug dealer neighbor smokes me out a lot, and I see people blow their money on far more frivolous things, and I figure it's no big deal to pay for it if I enjoy it.

I tried cutting down to strictly parties again, but as I'm sort of in the environment of it, it's hard to draw the line. I'm quick to classify three people in our living room as a party, and I'm an all or nothing kinda gal.

I just need help on motivation, I suppose. There isn't enough against pot for me to really find and internal inspiration to quit, and that's really what I need, seeing as I'm aiming for cold turkey. All said and done, I think the cons of smoking outweigh the pros, but it's being so fun is just such a convincing pro!! It's not even that fun anymore, the buzz lost its novelty forever ago, but I guess I'm like any true-blue stoner in that you just keep hoping that next bowl will get you good and stoned like the olden days, but it never does!

Oh well, here goes day one. Inspiration and tips are much appreciated.

[AKN]

Yay! Another new person! :D

Welcome and i'm glad you found the info i posted useful.

As far as logical arguments go... not actually sure this is logical, but... it's just that when you're smoking and know it's not a positive influence on your life, that you're not living up to your potential... there's no way you can know what you're missing out on, how good you could be at stuff, what kind of relationships you have, etc. Even if you're doing really good, you could be probably be great. Why settle? You're spending energy on 'keeping up' which doesn't leave much for excelling. know what i mean.

Now i'm gonna feel super old... but i was once the top student in almost of my classes, but eventually... it didn't fall apart, i just became content with achieving less without really realizing it. getting out of academic life cos it was to stressful or whatever, dont even remember now. while i'm relatively successful, not in the way i think i could've been. but i'll never know 'what could have been' if i hadn't smoked so much all those years. I dunno, just something to consider.

Well, i'll shut up now... anyone reading this board has heard a lot from me during the past month. hehe.

[LisaSimpson]

No way, thanks for your response! It's much appreciated.

And you're absolutely right. I think probably the most destructive property of marijuana is that even if you get to a point where you realize smoking is getting to a point where it's destructive, the drug induces complacency and very much a sense of ehhh...I'll do it tomorrow.

I think my struggle is more that I really don't think weed is bad or destructive or deserving of vilification if it is used in moderation, but that's such a nebulous term. You obviously risk overdoing it, but on the other hand, were I to impose severe self-restrictions like, I'll allow myself to smoke two times a year, birthday and half birthday and that's it, it would seem almost easier just to quit altogether.

So I guess I've just decided to quit. My downfall is the designated "OKAY THIS IS MY LAST TIME EVER!" thing, because you keep coming up with good reasons to smoke just oneeee moreee timeee, and justify it because no really, THIS will be the LAST TIME EVER.

Another part of the problem is that I really haven't been smoking for that long, and nothing about the situation seems dire, but I realize I'd still prefer sobriety. You don't realize you're holding the lighter too close until you burn your fingers, I guess. One day at a time, eh?

[bud free]

just think about the amount of resin that you get from a joint and remember that is sticking to your lungs! if nothing else motivates you, the residue from pot is gross!

[AKN]

Hey Lisa, (and nice to see you again bud free! you're right, resin is nasty!)

i totally know what you mean about the "last time" thing. god, i did that over and over again for what must be longer than you've been smoking. ugh. but i am an extreme case. I believe some people can smoke in moderation, but i also have come to believe i'm just not one of them. I think i tried that experiment enough times to be about as statistically significant as you can get. It's also true that way back when my friends and i were hanging out and smoking out a lot... i noticed there was something a bit different about my relationship to pot. like the times when we couldn't score for the weekend or were just too broke, they'd be bummed a bit, maybe call one other person... but if nothing panned out they were cool with just lying out by the pool or whatever like we always did. but me? suddenly i was like Miss Resourceful, calling all sorts of people, hanging out with some people more or less because i knew they'd smoke me out. and i wasn't like that just sometimes but most of the time. and when it came time to be responsible of whatever, they could, and even wanted to, save the rest of the stash until after finals, whereas i'd have t make some big thing of it, smoke up whatever i have left, then stay in the library for days on end and study my ass off. and actually i was the one getting the best grades (yes everyone 'hated' me. lol.), but in the big picture the grades didn't mean shit about how i was handling weed. but it was oh so easy to convince myself and everyone else that it meant everything was pretty cool. hell, i was even considered extra smart cos i could get baked and still ace an exam. (eh, that ability doesn't last forever though, trust me.) i never actually started doing more poorly on the exams, just got 'different priorities' that indirectly allowed me to smoke more. pre-med was too stressful, sociology was more fun, eh lets take next semester off... it's all good. hmmmmm..... while it wasn't all bad, and i doubt med school was ultimately the path for me, but it also all sounds a little flakey to me now.

I think the whole 'one day at a time' philosophy can be pretty effective... hell, i used that to keep myself smoking for a long time. i mean, saying "i can quit tomorrow" is the basically the same as "i can get high tomorrow". I think having a broader goal can help too... i think the 'six week theory' the swedish researchers have seems very reasonable, and for the vast majority of moderate users a 2-3 months off (let's round up to be safe) isn't like some huge deal in their lives. for those of us who it is, it does (usually i imagine) get easier after that much time and gives us a whole new perspective. for me it hasn't even been that long and it's already looking pretty damn unattractive to me to start up again.

writing about it here and talking to those people i can about it has helped a lot too. i imagine all this stuff i'm writing will be a pretty interesting read a couple years from now! hopefully it is for others too, one of my motivations for doing it has been i looked around a lot on the web for something similar and never found it. found some accounts of people with similar problems, but no real success stories that weren't bundled with other addictions i couldn't really relate to. cannabis has always been the only mind altering substance i really enjoyed. heh... that was another great excuse i used to keep smoking for a long time!

[LisaSimpson]

Oh man. AKN. You kind of just described me perfectly. Seriously. Right down to the wavering pre-med ambitions. I think that it certainly amplifies the frustration and self-doubt, because I similarly feel that med school really wasn't the right choice for me factoring in the career I ultimately want to obtain, but there's that annoying nagging that maybe it's just a loss of ambition.

Anyways, I totally dig your style. You're rational, eloquent, and articulate, and I find everything you say to be incredibly useful and seriously take it to heart, so thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts and experiences into text.

Haha, I just re-read what you said, and it's so me to a T; you've illustrated my attitude towards smoking in a pithy and accurate way which I never could, and that itself is really a motivation factor for me, so again, thanks for posting. I could ruminate for hours on the nature of marijuana as an addiction, because it is such a funny thing in how I certainly have smoking habits and compulsions that don't seem to surface in everybody, and the sheer vastness of the whys and hows is overwhelming.

One day at a time has always seemed to me an effective tool simply because it provides the mantra and inspiration one needs to simply put his or her head down and run the race; once you have a solid beginning, you start to feel that you owe it to yourself if only to avoid undermining the hard work you've already put in.

Day three! Feel like the Little Engine that Could!

[AKN]

Hey, thanks a lot for the nice comments, I'm glad it was helpful. I hope you're doing well. :-)

Better than me anyway... I've been screwing up. Will go write something about it in my little journal now.,