scared and lonely

[kimber]

Well this is the first step in admitting I have a problem I guess. I am a thirty seven year old woman who looks like I have a great life from the outside. I have always lived a bit of a wildlife and indulged in recreational drug use (mainly coke and that was only sporadic). However I started taking percocet (prescribed for a condition) about three years ago. I went through a difficult breakup shorty thereafter and unfortunately discovered that the percocet was very effective at numbing the pain. I kept using it on and off for the buzz and it gradually became more on than off. At first the percs made me euphoric and I actually found it helped me with my high pressure job. That has changed drastically in the last year or so. I am now taking 6 - 8 a day, am completely apathetic, unhappy, unmotivated, hate myself. I keep swearing I will stop "tomorrow". I am now combining the coke with the percs to get that buzz i crave. My work is suffering, when i am there i can barely concentrate, I dont even want to go out anymore with friends etc instead I just like to lie on the couch and feel nothing....My family has no idea, I am single and have manged to keep this from anyone I am dating. I am now using a "dealer" to get the percs as I dont want my doctor to know even. I told my dealer last week (after getting sixty which will only last me a week) that I dont want to hear from him ever again and that I am done. I dont have his numbers so I hope I wont be able to reach him. I hate myself so much for being weak and craving the drug so much. I am bright, attractive, and everyone thinks i have this wonderful life, but instead I am a totally fucked up addict. Anyway that is my rant, I am terrified but want to become my old self again :)

[A NU ME]

Dear Scared & Lonely, I am just a couple years older, taking about 50-60 Norco + Oxy a day and probably perceived by others as you are not to mention other similarities in our situations. Here's some hope for you.... Today makes 1 week that I celebrate the new me. I started on Suboxone 8 days ago and within 45 minutes after taking it I felt like a different person. It was like I had been living in the dark for 10 years then suddenly someone turned on the lights. The first morning after, I truly can not remember feeling that great and it's continued every day since. Please, please put aside your fear and make an appointment to get on Suboxone. The only regret you will have is that you didn't do it sooner---I guarantee you!!!! The wings you thought you had while taking percs doesn't even compare to the energy and motivation you have after switching to Suboxone. You will be amazed and so will everyone around you. Now go get your Dr's # and put it in your purse or planner. Before 1pm tomorrow MAKE THE CALL. Don't make excuses. If you want to be your old self again you've got to make the effort which is to make the call to your DR. You will be glad you did. So please keep us (me) posted on your success. I know you will succeed.