Need Advice

[OwnedByCats]

I'll try to make this as short as possible, but there is a lot to say. I suffer from chronic headaches and have done since I was a teenager and I am now 35 years of age. When I was younger, from teens to mid 20's, I suffered 2 or 3 headaches a week and they would last only part of the day. Sharp sounds, bright lights, certain perfume or cleaner smells and just stress can trigger them. Over the counter meds didn't seem to cut it for me - Aspirin, Naproxen and Tylenol did nothing, and I would need an elephant's dose of Ibuprofen to just only take the edge off a headache, it never fully worked and I would wait for the headaches to go away on their own. Once I hit my mid 20's, between tension and migraine headaches, I was getting them every single day. At about this time, I had severe stress and anxiety going on in my life which made me think perhaps that was the cause of the increase. I had moved to England in 1997 when I was 24 and my then husband was receiving cancer treatment - so between the move to a new country and my partner being ill, they were coming all the time. In England, you can buy either Tylenol or Ibuprofen that includes 12 mils of Codeine Phosphate over the counter. The first time I complained about a headache, my husband went out and bought some of those tablets for me and it never occured to me in a million years there would be Codeine being sold over the counter, so I was skeptical they would work. I tried them anyway and suddenly my pain was gone. I didn't think too much of it at the time I was just grateful, until one day I really studied the box and found the ingredients. Now I knew why I suddenly was getting relief. I had only tried opiates once before I went to England when I had a wisdom tooth removed. It worked for the pain, but it put me to sleep - only because I wasn't used to them. The smaller amounts in what you can purchase in England didn't have that effect - just helped me with the pain. For two years I took those tablets for headaches while also complaining to my doctor there about the headaches. I saw a neurologist and after they couldn't find a cause, was prescribed Amitriptyline. I started taking that and for 2 weeks I had no headaches. I stopped taking the pain killers cold turkey and I was completely fine. I didn't even mentally crave them. I was moving from one house to another which was stressful, but I still didn't need them. Then suddenly my husband after being in remission for over a year, was diagnosed with cancer yet again and my headaches were back. I started taking the pain killers once again. A few months later I had an impacted wisdom tooth that was pressing on an adjacent nerve that my dentist did not want to pull. I needed to go to the hospital to have it surgically removed. Between the headaches and the pain from the tooth, I was in agony - the over the counter stuff wasn't touching it. So my doctor prescribed me dihydrocodeine which worked very well. I had to wait 2 months for this tooth to be removed and by the time the tooth came out, I was hooked big time. I went through times when I stopped taking them, to please my doctor and loved ones - but the headaches remained a problem. I did cold turkey (extremely unpleasant) and tapering off (far more tolerable and much more preferred) - but there were times I was clock watching, I couldn't wait for the next dose. I was seeing a drug counsler by this time and she suggested I try methadone. It took me a while to warm to the idea - I didn't think people addicted to script meds were given meth normally. I started taking that and found it so much easier to taper off. I gradually dropped down and I haven't had that since a year ago. Again after that, my headaches were a problem and I was back on the over the counter meds and I was also given Tramadol. In March of last year, I had a seizure. Never had one before and was sent to yet another neurologist. Tramadol was never blamed in England for this seizure. I had tests and they couldn't determine a cause to it. Not long after, my husband and I divorced and I moved back to the US and in with my parents. I couldn't afford to see a doctor here, so I started buying Tramadol on the internet. A month ago I had 2 seizures in one day. This time I was told Tramadol was most likely to blame. For whatever reason, if the conditions are right, me and Tramadol obviously don't get along. My father demanded I hand them over. I found myself suddenly owing over $3,000 in med bills between the ambulance, hospital and 2 doctor visits. My money is in very short supply so it was suggested I apply for Medicaid. 2 weeks ago, in the meantime, I saw one doctor who wouldn't prescribe me any narcotics because "it's like giving an alcoholic a drink" so instead he prescribed me Clonizipam to help with withdrawels - but I guess it's ok to replace one addictive med for another of a different type. I ended up with a different doctor after who then became my provider, she then prescribed Tylenol 3 to get me through the pain of the headaches. She had wanted me to schedule a neurologist visit, but I wanted to wait until I knew for sure that Medicaid would come through. I had been assured that it most likely would, but I just wanted to be careful about it. Scheduling with this neurologist, I would either need insurance, Medicaid or set up a payment plan with them, which at the moment I cannot afford. So I held fire on doing this. I only applied 2 weeks ago for Medicaid and I was told it would take at least a month before I would know. The doctor prescribed for me to take 4 T3's a day when needed. I made an agreement that my mother would be in possession of these tablets and only dish me out 4 a day, which I was perfectly happy with and kept me comfortable and out of pain. She gives me enough for 2 weeks, although I didn't have an appointment to see her again until about 18 days later but I was able to stretch them out to last. I saw her again today and she wasn't willing to give me any more than 10 tablets because I hadn't made an appointment with the neurologist yet. She claimed that we had an agreement that I needed to make this appointment because she couldn't continue to prescribe T3 until I have seen the neurologist based on my past addiction issues - which she doesn't know about fully and has hardly asked me about. She hasn't even received my medical records from England yet. I was unaware of this so-called agreement about the neurologist visit having to be made. Basically she was trying to say that I don't really want to see the neurologist, I'm just coming in for T3, which is entirely untrue. I've seen two in the past already - if I hadn't wanted help I wouldn't have bothered then. The two reasons for me not having made this appointment yet is: I wanted to wait to see if Medicaid would pull through because I won't be able to afford to see the neurologist if it doesn't - simple as that. I can't even get a job because I can't drive and I live in an area where there is nothing within walking distance where one could work because I live in the sticks. Second, as I've had 2 seizures a month ago, I can't drive for the time being.... meaning my father would have to take a day off work to take me. I can get to my local doctor appointments without him via my mother, but this neurologist is in another city and my mother has a fear of driving outside her comfort zone which is only driving locally, so I have no other way to get there. I need to clear with him when would be good before I can make an appointment. Even if I see the neurologist tomorrow, I'll bet they won't prescribe me T3 and something else to try so I don't suffer during what will be expiramental because a specific cause won't be pinpointed immediately, at least, it never has in the past. My specific problem has always been complicated. I'm only comfortable with tappering off narcotics and she hasn't even given me enough to do that properly. I know I could handle stopping T3 if the headaches were not an issue - but with both going on I just want to shoot myself. It puts me in a very bad place and I have been deeply depressed the last 10 months and she knows this because she prescribed me Cymbalta. I have suffered from depression for a number of years, but it's never been this bad. I find myself praying that I don't wake up. I do think stress and anxiety play a huge role in my problem because if I have a particularly bad day, the pain is worse. I also have ground my teeth into oblivion when I sleep, so I'm dealing with tooth and jaw pain as well. I don't know what to do now. My headaches without the pain killers are so bad that I can't function. I can't sit at the computer, I can't read, I can't watch TV, I can't sleep - forget about doing anything constructive or being nice and having a normal conversation with others. My doctor in England was very understanding, non-judgemental and did what he could for me in terms of keeping me comfortable. Now I feel like I have a doctor who isn't listening to me and making judgements when she doesn't know me or my history. She even hinted at my urine and blood samples being checked for the relevant drugs I have been prescribed - and without saying, I'm sure to be checked for anything illicit which they will not find. They will hardly even find T3 in my system because I had only a half of one on Sunday morning and none this morning. All they'll find is Dilantin (for the seizures, just in case it wasn't the Tramadol, or having suddenly come off Tramadol triggering a seizure - so they said to me), Cymbalta and some Ibuprofen. I'm really scared now. Nobody seems to believe I have a genuine problem, I'm just out for the drugs apparently. Why do people think this is fun for those like me? I don't want to be dependent on opiates, but right now it's the lesser of two evils. They're just going to put me on other drugs anyway, so why is that any better? Pills are pills - they all can have problems or side effects that aren't good. I don't mind trying anything that anyone wants me to - but expecting me to suffer in the meantime is just unkind. My father has been battling health issues for years that doctors haven't been able to do anything about - I can't go on like this for years. My doctor is worried about T3 becoming a dependency issue - well in case she hasn't figured it out, there already is one with ANY narcotic I could be given. I even suggested T3 to her purposefully because I find it particular hard to abuse because too much Tylenol upsets my stomach - not to mention the issue of Tylenol being fairly easy to overdose on if you are not careful. Not to mention the agreement with my mother holding the pills from me. Is there anything that anyone can suggest to me? I'm just not used to be dismissed and judged so harshly, not to mention the lack of understanding of my issues regarding finances, ways to get places and even doubting I have a problem in the first place. I'm doing all I can right now to get the ball rolling on this as much as I can with getting medical cover, but the county is only going to work on this so fast and I only applied 2 weeks ago. She didn't say she would prescribe more T3 if I made the appointment, she just said she wanted to talk to him about it first. I don't want to come off T3 just to end up back on it because of the pain - I'd rather not put myself through that uncomfortable process more than necessary. Any thoughts?