In Shock and Angry

[spidermama]

Yesterday, my fiancee admitted that he had an addiction to Percocet. He has been swallowing and snorting 10+ pills per day. This information came to light because I was planning on leaving him. He has been emotionally and verbally abusive. He has a snap temper. I gave birth five months ago to our beautiful daughter and I couldn't stand for her to hear him call me names anymore.

So, he fessed up to a pill addiction of 100-150 dollars per day. He's broke, he has ten dollars in his bank account. He doesn't have the money to pay the rent for August. I have been paying all the utility and phone bills. I have bought all the groceries and EVERYTHING our daughter has needed since birth. I pay for daycare and can't depend on him to care for her, so in all reality, I have been a single parent.

He said he had set aside money for baby Chloe. She had a savings account. I am a waitress and I would throw all my change into her piggy bank. A few weeks ago, the big jar was full and Jerry said he's cashed it in and deposited it into her account. He admitted he has spend our daughters money on his pills. Our own daugher.

He is trying to get into a rehab but since he's broke he doesn't know how to do it. He took his last pill last night and has been sleeping all day. I am bitter, angry, devastated. I do not know if I have enough forgiveness in my heart. I feel like he is the most selfish person on earth. How nice it is for him to take off to rehab and leave us without money to pay the rent. Now, I have to find a way to take care of Chloe and feel humilated to ask friends and family for money so I can pay all the bills so my credit isn't destroyed.

I also don't know if I can trust him again. He says it was the drugs that made him call me bad names but I don't even believe that. I guess I am looking to other's to share their experiences with addiction.

Were you heartless and would you call someone you loved a dumbass biatch?

Were you selfish enough to steal from you own baby?

I feel bad that I am not feeling more sympathy. After the hell he's put me through the last 6 months, I feel nothing. The greatest moment of my life, giving birth to my daughter has been tarnished. Even in the delivery room, I wasn't having the baby fast enough for him. He stormed out saying, "you can have this f*cking baby by yourself."

I am still planning on leaving, I cannot afford this house on my income only. He keeps asking if I still love him. I honestly don't know. I can only tell him that he needs to work on himself before he tries to repair the relationship with me.

[cshreve]

drugs do bad things to good people. was he always like this or did it suddenly start happening? the problem with perscription pain medication is that there is two kinds of people, the people who take it for the purpose of relieving pain and the people who take it for the purpose of just getting the high. sometimes even the people who originally are taking it with good causes turn to the other side. i can't say anything ill willed about problems with meds because i am in that position now, BUT i would never put my family in jeopardy over it and have never called my family any names.

i'm wondering if when he's treating you like this is when he's coming off or withdrawing from the drug. generally people who are on a med like percocet are calm or it helps their mood rather than turns them to the other side. i'm so sorry you're going through this. the fact that it is affecting not only you but your baby daughter makes me feel terrible for you. now you have to suffer the consequences of his problem and that's not fair. the only decent (and thats very slight) part of it all is that he had the strength to tell you, because that's the hardest part.

if you'd like to help him (if you think you can/want to) he could always talk to someone in an emergency room, usually detox and rehab centers offer financial assistance through the government to help people recover. narcotics ruin people, it's really the truth, and it's tough. he's been very selfish and maybe seeing what he's losing will put into perspective what he's doing to his life. if you need anyone to talk to, i've been checking this board pretty often. i hope things look up for you, you've been a very good mother and do NOT deserve this.

[jenny]

It is sad but whatever you do think on it well and make your decision.