LisaSimpson
08-22-2008, 12:23 PM
After trying to purge myself of pot for almost half a year, I can now proudly say I haven't smoked in almost three months, which is the longest I've gone without being high since I first toked at a party two and a half years ago. I know two months certainly isn't a lifetime, but I still feel good about what I've accomplished thus far, and I really feel like it'll stick this time.
I can't say it's been due to herculean willpower on my part, because it really has all come down to environment and circumstance. Whereas before I lived with two stoners ever more clouded in smoke than I was and next door to our friendly neighborhood pot dealer, now I room with a friend of mine that actively disapproved of smoking in the house or around her, so I knew it was pretty much game over. I started trying to hang out with my non-smoker friends with increased frequency, and pot just sort of phased itself out of my life.
I realize it's probably more difficult for individuals who live alone or who've been heavily smoking for much longer than I have, but if you can find a way to distract yourself until pot is no longer such a looming presence in the forefront of your mind, the process becomes that much simpler. It's far easier to wean yourself of an afterthought rather than on obsession, and that's what it really becomes. I remember feeling like movies and tv shows and music would be drastically less entertaining and engaging if I weren't stoned, and if I saw something interesting at work or in class, I'd wistfully wish I could experience it high. But after a few weeks of packing my schedule so that I was pretty nearly always occupied, being content with doing nothing in particular while completely sober became much easier. It took about as long for my head to clear up so I could once again focus on my thoughts without needing MJ as a catalyst, and it was even nicer to be able to recall my epiphanies afterwards ;)
Relatedly, I certainly felt a physical freedom after a short period of abstaining, and the six-week time period put forth by the swedish(?) scientists seems entirely plausible. I felt like my neurons were finally focussing and working properly again, and maybe I didn't feel tingly or freed or relaxed but my thoughts were real and substantial, not a drug induced and inflated pseudo fantasy, and in retrospect, that's really what my high musings feel like.
Most exciting of all, I can remember my dreams! They're vivid and contemporary with the goings on in my life, and being able to recall them with pointed accuracy is an exciting and long forgotten treat! I like being back in the land of the living.
My main struggles would have to be any relapses. When you first commit yourself to quitting and do well for any period of time, you naturally give yourself praise and encouragement, so it feels like that much more of a let down each time I'd go back to the old habits. I kept feeling more and more defeated, and it turned into a vicious cycle of demonizing myself which led to increased guilt, which led to a fuck-it-all attitude which led me to smoking myself stupid. It's best to think of it in terms of statistics, with each attempt being a totally unrelated and independent event. Each time is a new battle. You may have lost in the past, you may lose again in the future, but it's worth it to try, and you owe it to yourself to keep reaching for the thrill of victory for when you finally win. Victory isn't permanent, and it's upkeep requires work, but the resulting pay off is that much sweeter.
Finally, I smoked a lot as a response to stress. I think it's important to identify triggers, and try to either eliminate them, or treat them in different ways. It's in my nature and my position to be stressed pretty much all the time, and unfortunately, I think I sort of became a nervous eater for a little while since I didn't have the pot to chill me out, but I tried to cut back on the snack attack when my jeans got a little too tight. Ha, all those years when I was supposed to have wicked munchies I never want to eat a thing, and now that I finally quit, I'm totally pigging out. Ugh, couldn't I get addicted to working out or something? That'd be helpful. So I suggest finding some healthier alternative coping device, though I suppose I'd rather have a big ass than black lungs.
I don't know if this'll stick forever, and my resistance has yet to be thoroughly tested, but for the time being, I feel great. I'm proud of myself, my head is clear, and I know in the afterglow that I made the right choice. Quitting didn't seem like it ever had to be a priority, and I still think pot is great fun, but the experiences I'm having now seem so much more lasting and tangible, and it'll be nice to be able to remember them. Well, at least I hope so. We'll see how many brain cells I kept alive.
Anyways. Wish me luck, I'll try to keep it up, and in the meanwhile, best of luck to the rest of you. Feels great once you get there, and I really urge you just to put your head down and run the race for those first six weeks, just find six weeks worth of activities, and it gets so much easier after that. I'm around for questions or for chit chat, but until then, have fun, amigos!
I can't say it's been due to herculean willpower on my part, because it really has all come down to environment and circumstance. Whereas before I lived with two stoners ever more clouded in smoke than I was and next door to our friendly neighborhood pot dealer, now I room with a friend of mine that actively disapproved of smoking in the house or around her, so I knew it was pretty much game over. I started trying to hang out with my non-smoker friends with increased frequency, and pot just sort of phased itself out of my life.
I realize it's probably more difficult for individuals who live alone or who've been heavily smoking for much longer than I have, but if you can find a way to distract yourself until pot is no longer such a looming presence in the forefront of your mind, the process becomes that much simpler. It's far easier to wean yourself of an afterthought rather than on obsession, and that's what it really becomes. I remember feeling like movies and tv shows and music would be drastically less entertaining and engaging if I weren't stoned, and if I saw something interesting at work or in class, I'd wistfully wish I could experience it high. But after a few weeks of packing my schedule so that I was pretty nearly always occupied, being content with doing nothing in particular while completely sober became much easier. It took about as long for my head to clear up so I could once again focus on my thoughts without needing MJ as a catalyst, and it was even nicer to be able to recall my epiphanies afterwards ;)
Relatedly, I certainly felt a physical freedom after a short period of abstaining, and the six-week time period put forth by the swedish(?) scientists seems entirely plausible. I felt like my neurons were finally focussing and working properly again, and maybe I didn't feel tingly or freed or relaxed but my thoughts were real and substantial, not a drug induced and inflated pseudo fantasy, and in retrospect, that's really what my high musings feel like.
Most exciting of all, I can remember my dreams! They're vivid and contemporary with the goings on in my life, and being able to recall them with pointed accuracy is an exciting and long forgotten treat! I like being back in the land of the living.
My main struggles would have to be any relapses. When you first commit yourself to quitting and do well for any period of time, you naturally give yourself praise and encouragement, so it feels like that much more of a let down each time I'd go back to the old habits. I kept feeling more and more defeated, and it turned into a vicious cycle of demonizing myself which led to increased guilt, which led to a fuck-it-all attitude which led me to smoking myself stupid. It's best to think of it in terms of statistics, with each attempt being a totally unrelated and independent event. Each time is a new battle. You may have lost in the past, you may lose again in the future, but it's worth it to try, and you owe it to yourself to keep reaching for the thrill of victory for when you finally win. Victory isn't permanent, and it's upkeep requires work, but the resulting pay off is that much sweeter.
Finally, I smoked a lot as a response to stress. I think it's important to identify triggers, and try to either eliminate them, or treat them in different ways. It's in my nature and my position to be stressed pretty much all the time, and unfortunately, I think I sort of became a nervous eater for a little while since I didn't have the pot to chill me out, but I tried to cut back on the snack attack when my jeans got a little too tight. Ha, all those years when I was supposed to have wicked munchies I never want to eat a thing, and now that I finally quit, I'm totally pigging out. Ugh, couldn't I get addicted to working out or something? That'd be helpful. So I suggest finding some healthier alternative coping device, though I suppose I'd rather have a big ass than black lungs.
I don't know if this'll stick forever, and my resistance has yet to be thoroughly tested, but for the time being, I feel great. I'm proud of myself, my head is clear, and I know in the afterglow that I made the right choice. Quitting didn't seem like it ever had to be a priority, and I still think pot is great fun, but the experiences I'm having now seem so much more lasting and tangible, and it'll be nice to be able to remember them. Well, at least I hope so. We'll see how many brain cells I kept alive.
Anyways. Wish me luck, I'll try to keep it up, and in the meanwhile, best of luck to the rest of you. Feels great once you get there, and I really urge you just to put your head down and run the race for those first six weeks, just find six weeks worth of activities, and it gets so much easier after that. I'm around for questions or for chit chat, but until then, have fun, amigos!