Feeling Trapped

[Trapped]

My man is a crack addict. It is hard for me to write this post. It is hard for me to understand the behavior and mindset of an addict. I'm seeking help from those who are in or have been in a relationship with someone who is a crack addict. My man is currently in residential treatment. As of my writing this, it is the beginning of day three. Unfortunately, the treatment is only for 30 days. I say unfortunately because I believe he needs more time. He is 56 years old and has been an addict for at least 30 years. I've known of his drug habit for only 6 months. I'm tying to cope with it, but, my trust is gone. He stole cash money from me, took a debit card and withdrew money from my account and took my car in order to get crack. All of this in one month's time. The debit card happened last week. I found out about 2 hours ago that the cash I had in the house was gone. I am so angry and so hurt. I trusted him and believed him when he said that he had not taken any other money from me. I feel that my world has crumbled. I love him but I don't want a man who is addicted to drugs.
I want to be there for him....I want to support him and encourage him during treatment. He said that he wanted to go. He said that he wanted to heal himself first for himself...then for me. I sincerely believe that he wants to. I don't know if he is able to. And....if not....I don't want to continue in the relationship. Do I stay and trust that the residential treatment will work...or do I leave? Please....I need to hear from others like me who feel trapped by love.

[mtajim]

If you love him then support him , addicts do such things , but you have to tell them what they have done . They do such acts when they deel high desire for their addiction . If you can persuade him for leaving drugs then you will get success

[Trapped]

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate and value your advice. If you are a loved one of an addict, please tell me how you coped? Did you have such feelings as the ones I describe? Does anyone reading this post have feelings such as I? If so, then please tell me how you cope....how you handled such feelings and if you stayed with your loved one? Did things get better?

[speckles]

HI

I am a addicted to crack cocaine, so i know and have behaved the same way. It is not a malicious act, the theft and deception. I find myself feeling ashamed and dishonest because i dont want people i love to know. The theft is out of desperation to get the drugs. It is an illness and the need to get high is really a need, in our 'sick' heads. At his age, and length of time using i agree 30 days is not enough, but its a start.

Some things you should know about drug addicts. They may love you but it doesnt matter how much, if they are using they will always love the drug more. I have behaved in ways that i am so ashamed of and must have hurt my husband more than i can imagine. As an example, the day he found out he was sick with a potentially life threatening disease, he cryed himself to sleep, i slipped out of bed stole the cash out of his wallet, the car keys and left to get high. When he called i ignored the phone. I love him dearly but drugs were more important.

This kind of behaviour only gets worse and is heart breaking to the non user, it can also go on for many years before full recovery.

My suggestion to you is see how his attempt at sobriety goes, stand by thru his recovery process, attend Alanon, (spelt wrong i think but a 12 step group for loved ones of users) I can not stress that enough for both of you alanon WILL help. For your sake attend!!! The second he relapses of uses again LEAVE!!!

This may sound mean and cold, the best thing to do to help him get better if his current treatment is unsuccessful, is to leave. The slap in the face of losing someone dear to you because of your drug abuse may be the wake up call he needs. Staying with and trying to help is only hurting both of you... he knows he can fuck up and you will be there to catch him when falling. Why not keep using if there is someone there to pick up the peices and clean up our mess?

You can not help him he can only help himself, dont break yourself trying. Leaving at least temporarily or just living separate but remain in his life but LEAVE if he uses again

[jule]

Crack is a new thing for me.......I have been with a man for nearly 8 months now and found out too far in to the relationship that he is addicted. The lying, the stealing, the dissapearing for hours... I understand is "normal" behavior. What I have a very hard time dealing with is the depression and suicidal talk for days afterwards. I have been informed that if I were to leave he would kill himself. That's a lot to risk. What can I do?

I have resorted to this forum, hoping for some answers...anyone have a suggestion?

[james]

HI

My suggestion to you is see how his attempt at sobriety goes, stand by thru his recovery process, attend Alanon, (spelt wrong i think but a 12 step group for loved ones of users) I can not stress that enough for both of you alanon WILL help. For your sake attend!!! The second he relapses of uses again LEAVE!!!



For both Jules and Trapped Al-Anon is here:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

The meeting site is here:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

This is the where to find meetings outside the USA:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/international.html

Al-Anon is for the family of addicts, and

[Mel]

I understand what you're going through. I have been with my common law spouse for 16 years. He had been clean from cocaine for over 10. Suddenly he started to use again and I have tried every trick in the book to help him. The last straw was this past weekend when I discovered that he had pawned all my jewlery and stolen from our children to support his habit. It's a heartbreaking situation to be in, that's for sure. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm waking up to the fact that this is something he will have to kick on his own. My staying will only enable him and hurt us all more. I don't advocate that for everyone necessarily. Ultimately you have to do what you know in your heart is the right thing. I now know that sometimes it's healthier for everyone involved to make a clean break. And to make sure that you are also getting help for yourself anywhere you can find support. Friends, family, alanon...any or all.