addicted and desperate

[tristag04]

My husband and I have been herion addicts for some time now. I introduced him to the drug after being introduced to it myself two years earlier. It starts out as recreational and ends up being daily survival. I believe if I had been more educated on the drug It would have never tempted me but my ignorence has almost destroyed me. Once your body becomes chemically dependent on this there really is no going back. We did go through detox and things seemed to get better. We moved out of environment that seemed to be the cause. We baught a home and opened our own buisness, things were really looking up for us. Then slowly but surly it crept back into our lives. It was a matter of months and the drug had infected our entire lives. Our buisness was slowly sinking due to rumors of our use and people that once trusted us became suspisous and concerned. Needless to say we lost ground and fell flat on our faces. Now we no longer have a home to call our own but our thriving careers came to a very abrupt stop. My husband and I thaught it would be the right thing to move away from the town we had made home and move back to were this hole mess started. Each day has become a nightmare, from the time we awake till the time we finolly rest we spend working on how we will aquire enough to get us through till tomarrow. I promise you it is no way to live, We have sold just about everything of value including our wedding bands just to stay, "well". And now looking at all of this from were we started and were we have ended up pathetic dosent even descibe it. We invested everything into our buisness and home, and now have nothing to show for it. The people that once cared about our future have seem to all givin up hope and so we battle this alone. I havent told you the sadess part yet, we have a little boy he is seven and has seen and been through more than any child should have to ever endure. But yet we go on each day struggleing just to get through till the next. Hitting bottom is a term I hear used often by most addicts. But I truly believe with this addiction this demon there really isnt a bottom that can scare it away. The percentage of people that ever truly recover is so sadly and discouragingly low it makes anyone who ever hopes to overcome it odds seem slim to none. We need help and with that knowledge I have nothing more to hope for. I have looked in to several progams but The cost is beyond anything we could hope to afforde. I find it sad that this addiction is killing people everyday and destroying lives but yet in order to get any real help $$$$ is all these places seem to see. If there is an organization out there that will work with a couple that dont have thousands to spend please inform me. Ive been at this game for nearly six years and have detoxed eight times but just detoxing and being shoved back in to the real world dosent work or sure as H*** hasent for me. Thank you for listeing to this pathetic confession and if anyone has any advice please I am open.

[QuietLunatic]

Narconon has branches all over and offers free rehab centers to people. Try finding your local branch and see what they can do for you. You might want to give your son up to Child Services to live in a foster home where he'll have some stability until you're ready to put his life and safety ahead of the drugs. Good luck.

[Ricardo]

I have no first hand experience with heroin addiction, but I think it's a very positive sign that you're posting asking for suggestions. Best of luck and strength to you and your family.

Maybe the people here can be part of your support system?

[Gemini]

I'm a recovering heroin addict with over 3 years clean. If you want to get clean....you can. You just have to stay clean for just one day at a time. Your will to stay clean has to be greater that your will to use. Don't worry about statistics. That's bullshit. You are NOT a statististic, you can be a survivor! I know first hand. As far as the physical addiction...that's the easy part. It's dealing with mental cravings and working on making yourself a better person is where you'll find your answers. The drugs themselves are a small part of a very big problem. Also, I don't understand why you can't get into treatment? Do you have insurance? If not....social services will assist you. There are many opportunities out there, if you are wiilling to seek them out. There is also AA/NA meetings, and people will welcome you with open arms. I know you may not like to hear this ....but you can't bullshit another addict. You need to stop making exscuses for yourself and stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide to make a change. I will pray for you both. And if noone told you today they love you.....I do!

[PneumaticMuffin]

I think quitting such a hard drug gives you a feeling of "impending doom". Youve been acustomed that you needed this drug to make you feel alive, and so you now fear to feel dead once you stop. You will basically have a feeling of "coming death" until the cravings stop, at which point everything will return to normal and this feeling of doom will go away.

[mtajim]

This fear of dying is just a anxiety disorder that your body has grasped due to drug addiction. Once you leave the drug , try concentrating more on other things. Keep yourself engaged then you will get rid of all these feelings

[aima123]

Hope is still ahead of you. Don't give up, strengthen your mind that everything will be settled.

[00tonytone]

I think quitting such a hard drug gives you a feeling of "impending doom". Youve been acustomed that you needed this drug to make you feel alive, and so you now fear to feel dead once you stop. You will basically have a feeling of "coming death" until the cravings stop, at which point everything will return to normal and this feeling of doom will go away.
ive been told since you been acustomed to that life style, getting clean isnt the hard part, its staying clean, you have to go through a greiving process. Its been such a part of your life and now that it isnt , YOU will be depressed and sad for a while as you seperate yourself from something that you gave your all for.

[Worried Mum]

I felt so sad when I read your mail... my heart goes out to you.
I have a son who has been on Heroin for 11 years, and still has not come off.
What keeps me going, is HOPE.
I kinow people have done it and I have two friends that have been clean for a number of years.
One like you, was married and her and her husband were addicts... and were on heroin for 15 years.
They had 4 children, who are now in their 20's. Although the children had a tough time - none of them touched the drug. The lady has been clean for 7 years.
Another friend was on Heroin for 8 years, and is now clean for 4 years.
So I guess it can be done.
I pray for you and your husbands recovery, and that you get the help that you need. Love S

[buttonfluff]

i kno you wont want to hear this but its avised that if you and a partner are both adicted staying together will never work ,ones always the weaker one. having a child stuck in all this is sad i have a 3 yr old and i gave up as soon as he was born.you have to make some dicisions,i had to leave my partner i love him very much but id be still using and lose my child.its very hard to stay clean as a pair .good luck for the future