Worried Mum
08-22-2007, 11:56 PM
My son Gary is now 27 and has been on Heroin for 11 years. He is also been smoking crack for about 3 years at least. Longest he has been clean is 2 months, and has been to rehab 3 times- ranging between 1 and 3 weeks.
Always his choice to go - but doesn't stay.
All this time I thought I was loving him, protecting him, and helping him - For example: I have bought him about 5 cars - which he has sold or wrecked, always paid for his car insurance, paid off his debts, bought three flats for him to live in.. which I had to sell because each one turned into a drug den..and sent him to USA, Spain and Israel to get clean. Also paid for him to have haircuts, bought him clothes, made his doctors/ dentist appointments etc. etc.. On top of that 3 of my friends who have their own businessess, have given him work, and he has let everyone down by turning up late, or not showing up at all. I have covered for him in those areas too.
Having read a lot of articles lately - I am mortified to realise that I have been an enabler. I now feel if I had handled things differently - he might have been clean and healthy.. and its my fault he is still an addict.
Two weeks ago - I got the strength from somewhere - to start saying NO to him.
He is been really nasty now, and calling me some vulgar names, and sometimes being a bit of a bully. Also says I have never done anything for him etc.. and he hopes I die.!!
Today he said- that if he ends up in the gutter or dies, it will be my fault.
I am starting to get scared- I do not want to give in to him.... But I want to be sure that I am doing the right thing now -
Please tell me it is not to late to start being firm with him and to stop giving him any financial help.. and making him start doing things for himself.
I feel so worn out and stupid.
Always his choice to go - but doesn't stay.
All this time I thought I was loving him, protecting him, and helping him - For example: I have bought him about 5 cars - which he has sold or wrecked, always paid for his car insurance, paid off his debts, bought three flats for him to live in.. which I had to sell because each one turned into a drug den..and sent him to USA, Spain and Israel to get clean. Also paid for him to have haircuts, bought him clothes, made his doctors/ dentist appointments etc. etc.. On top of that 3 of my friends who have their own businessess, have given him work, and he has let everyone down by turning up late, or not showing up at all. I have covered for him in those areas too.
Having read a lot of articles lately - I am mortified to realise that I have been an enabler. I now feel if I had handled things differently - he might have been clean and healthy.. and its my fault he is still an addict.
Two weeks ago - I got the strength from somewhere - to start saying NO to him.
He is been really nasty now, and calling me some vulgar names, and sometimes being a bit of a bully. Also says I have never done anything for him etc.. and he hopes I die.!!
Today he said- that if he ends up in the gutter or dies, it will be my fault.
I am starting to get scared- I do not want to give in to him.... But I want to be sure that I am doing the right thing now -
Please tell me it is not to late to start being firm with him and to stop giving him any financial help.. and making him start doing things for himself.
I feel so worn out and stupid.