View Full Version : Whats wrong with it?
easternbrain
09-09-2007, 08:21 AM
I mean to say that I read the post showing various traits of a codependent person and I say you can find some of it in every other person. What I am asking is that what is exactly wrong with a codependent person?
AngTexas
09-21-2007, 05:36 PM
Is the main thing is codependents do not feel "normal" and they don't spend enough time taking care of THEMSELVES. Or allowing anyone to take care of them... without a weird guilt of some kind anyway...
SingleAgain
09-21-2007, 10:35 PM
And often when the problems being experienced by the pair are the same, they feed off each other. Neither is strong enough to support the other and instead they fail together.
easternbrain
09-23-2007, 11:59 AM
I mean no one is 'the perfect' person aound. You can always point out one or the other flaw in a person. So that doesnt mean that there is something seriously wrong with that person. We all learn by making mistakes.
saubryn
10-02-2007, 02:05 PM
I agree that a lot of people have some of the traits of co-dependency, but it's when you have many or all of them that there is a problem - everyone hates rejection to a certain extent, for example, but there's a difference between wanting people to like things that you do, and becoming self destructive to avoid rejection.
That's my take anyway.
People are not supposed to gain their sense of identity from other people. An emotionally healthy person has a sense of autonomy and is able to separate his own identity from what other people do or don't do.
Healthy relationships are about two whole individuals sharing without having their identities hinge on the other person. Codependent relationships are more a matter of two needy people feeding off one another's needs.
A healthy person can love someone, do things for them, etc., but his/her motives come from a different place than the motives of a codependent person comes from. Being codependent essentially means not being happy in any healthy relationship and needing, instead, to always be in an unhealthy one.
websurfpro
10-11-2007, 06:25 PM
A codependent person, like others has the authority to know what`s good for them or not.
mambios
10-25-2007, 08:42 PM
Being a co-dependant person is basically copping out of life. You take all your ques from someone else and that is not healthly.
Only thinking a certain way because that person does or likeing something because they do. You lose your sense of self and in all reality you're no longer a real person.
attagirl
10-28-2007, 08:20 PM
I think the reason you see this in so many people is that whether or not they admit it they are co-dependant. If you look at someone who is wealthy and cannot understand why they will not help others, it is because they are looking out for their own wellbeing and nothing is put before. Where as with someone who is co-dependant they will always put others ahead of themselves. No matter what it does for them in the short or long run. Even if it means causing yourself some sort of harm financially, emotionally, etc.
jnjsarauer
11-10-2007, 05:28 PM
While I agree that many of us have a few traits of a codependent personality, it is a big problem when a person is truly codependent. My friend has a codependent relationship with all of her children, who are now adults. She is deep into credit card debt because she is always bailing them out of one fiasco after another. Whether it's in regards to this issue or a behavioral problem, she won't tell them how she feels because she is afraid they won't love her anymore. We all love our kids, but she has become an enabler and lost her identity as an individual in the process.