How to stop it

[Shadow]

What do I do if I know I am co dependent and yet I see no way to change the situation? Are there tools out there that help one get away from the co dependent situation?

[Misunderstood]

What do I do if I know I am co dependent and yet I see no way to change the situation? Are there tools out there that help one get away from the co dependent situation?

Shadow-

They say that codependency is something that can be overcome, but I have my doubts as well. A year or so ago, I went to counseling, back before I knew that there was actually a name for what's wrong with me. After about 10 sessions, I built up the courage to tell my shrink that I wasn't getting anything out of therapy. It was only at this point that she chose to share with me that I am Codependent.

She suggested that I look into books (there's a lot out there), forums on the internet- here I am, a year later, finally trying to do just that, and perhaps continue therapy at a later date, either with her or a new counselor, or look for codependency support groups.

For me, part of my problem is that I am afraid to try to get better, because I am afraid that I will fail, and that such a failure would be devastating for me. This has been a recurrent theme of my adult life- on the one hand, I have an inflated self-image (I think I'm the smartest person I know... I think I could be great at anything that I try...), and at the same time, I have incredible low self-esteem (always overly worried about what people think about me, always looking for approval, I take a falure to mean that I AM a failure, extreme sensitivity to rejection and judgement). So, as a result, I just don't try- and that is my loophole. If I never try, then I can never fail, and if I never fail, then I can maintain my inflated self image.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are not alone. (I'm probably saying that because it's what I really need to hear right now- funny how I can write this so simply, with the anonymity of the internet, yet the idea of telling my loved ones that this is what I need moves me to inaction)

[juniemoon]

shadow im not sure if this post is too old to respond to but i wanted to tell you about 2 books i read while in therapy for co-dependency one was "co-dendency" and "codependency no more" im sorry i cant remember the authors name it has been many many years since i struggled with co dependency but i know it is crippling and sorry to say does lead one to using mood altering drugs, alcohol and other bad habits. i am still struggling with the effects of living as a co dependent for 20 plus years. all of my married life and all of my years of raising my children. i always felt compelled to focus on fixing people and getting people out of bad situations. the trouble was i was someone who needed help and it took me a very long time to come to grips with that. i still struggle with it but now i know how to recognize when im falling off the wagon so to speak as a recovered co dependent. i have given myself tools to use to keep myself free from that behavior but the need to fix people and put everyone ahead of my own issues still is a struggle i constantly have to battle. junie

[Swastik]

It is a type of relationship addiction. I don't this much only. But i will love to know more. I will try to find out something else. If i got something i will let you know.

[Booky]

What do I do if I know I am co dependent and yet I see no way to change the situation? Are there tools out there that help one get away from the co dependent situation?

:) Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.


We cure codependency by creating healthy boundaries.

:confused:

[AgentSmith]

I can't stop trying to contact this guy. He keeps ignoring me but in the few times I get ahold of him, he claims he still cares very much. I don't know what to do, he won't talk to me about it and it's been about 2 wks of this and I'm going nuts. Can't eat, can't sleep, losing weight (can't complain about that part tho). I even started to drive to his house today (and he lives an hr away). But I turned around cuz I didn't want to waste a half a tank of gas if he wasn't there. I don't know what to do.

[Booky]

I can't stop trying to contact this guy. He keeps ignoring me but in the few times I get ahold of him, he claims he still cares very much. I don't know what to do, he won't talk to me about it and it's been about 2 wks of this and I'm going nuts. Can't eat, can't sleep, losing weight (can't complain about that part tho). I even started to drive to his house today (and he lives an hr away). But I turned around cuz I didn't want to waste a half a tank of gas if he wasn't there. I don't know what to do.
:) Try finding a Codependency group, or an Al-Anon group because Al-Anon deals with family members going nuts.

Professional counselors work too. A psychologist / psychiatrist, a school counselor, all Hospitals have psych wards and if you have medical insurance then they will talk to you, or your regular M.D. can give you a permit so the Insurance can cover the cost. A Hospital will do it without insurance if you tell them firmly that you have a big problem and need professional help.

When a person is out-of-control as you describe then it is a BIG problem.


What do I do if I know I am co dependent and yet I see no way to change the situation? Are there tools out there that help one get away from the co dependent situation?
:) There are always ways of changing any situation.

Boundaries are the key. Link HERE (http://healthyboundaries.com/).

:confused: