Confused

[foleylorie]

Not sure what I am doing here. I guess this is one of these days that I feel I have a problem. I have had an addiction to something all of my life. I over came almost every one of them. I was addicted to cocaine ended up in cardiac arrest and still kept doing it. I stopped cold turkey one day years later. Same thing with pot and acid. For some reason I can't stop smoking and definitely drinking. I'm 29 and I have been drinking heavily since I was about 16. Drinking has never affected my job nor my parenting skills. I'm not a "mean" drunk or "distant" drunk. I probably drink 6 days a week in the summer and 4 days a week in the winter. Sounds weird I know. I do black out almost every time I drink. I have to have a drink or 4 at home before I even get to the bar. When the bar closes I try to find somewhere else to drink because I never want to stop. I do have friends that drink just like me but when they can't or won't go out I will go to bars alone. I get headaches by 7 pm if I haven't drank yet. I can't get up in the mornings if I wasn't drinking the night before. If I go more than 2 days without drinking I do seem like I am going crazy like I will have a nervous breakdown if I don't get a drink immediately. I rarely think I have a problem. It seems normal to me. I don't want to stop I just know there are people out there who think I should. I don't think I could live life sober. I am confused.

[Alien]

It looks very normal to person who is addicted but from your post it very clear that you have a problem with your drinking and in clear words you are alcoholic. If you want to stop it then you should take medical help.

[websurfpro]

Of course you get headaches, I get them if I don`t smoke for more than 4 hours , it`s up to you ofcourse if you want to quit or not, it is now a stubborn life without drinking or smoking. Good thing that you have managed to get rid of your cocain addiction, but just think a little bit if you are happy beeing confused! You probably are confused because you just don`t know what to choose. But i`ll tell you : just think of all the people that live very happy family , social life without any kind of addiction. I think you should throw all bottles away and get some medical help. With smoking, it is a personal decision, I also smoke and I think it is way harder to quit smoking than drinking, Hope this helps

[moja]

Thank you so much for being so honest and open. It helps all of us to step back and take a look at where our life is going. The two major themes I heard in your post are that you can't stop once you start and that you 'need' to drink, even when you don't neccessarily want to- this is powerlessness; and that you black out every time you drink - this is unmanageability. Our first step says, 'We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable'. Sounds like a place to start. Please help yourself by getting the appropriate medical and addiction treatment care. We will pray for you.

[LW75]

You don't want to stop because when people are addicted they can almost "love" their substance of choice.

It would be one thing if you had to have one drink every night and were a cigarette smoker. That kind of thing would be a problem, but it would be an almost contained problem.

What you describe (particularly the black-outs) is a sign of a life in an out-of-control spiral. Blacking out regularly means you are in need of help with your addiction. I wish I could offer more than what I have, but the reality is only you can get the help you need for yourself.