struggling to stay sober

[stillscared]

I am currently 90 days clean for the first time in my life. I've been using the past 9 years and I'm only 25. It took DSS trying to take my son for me to try to stop. I've tried everything to stop, detoxes, methadone clinic etc. but taking suboxone works wonders. People say it takes the craving away but not for me. Lately I've been fantasizing about it. I mean, I hate the chase for it, I just love the process of using a needle and watching my blood fill the chamber. I know it's sickening but I guess that's why they call us sick people. I'm just looking for advice from anyone who might be going through the same thing as me. Will this feeling ever pass?

[exjunky]

I'm almost exactly where you are, except I never had a 9 year habit, it was a 3 year habit. I stayed clean for many years but then I tripped up and relapsed. Now I'm on subs (you too, right?)

I know exactly what you mean about the needle and fantasizing.

I know that if I can be clean for a year or more that I'll stop thinking about it. I know this from experience. But a whole year clean?? That's a loooooong time for us sickos. You have to really want this.

It's also important to understand how much easier it is to turn down that first shot. I can turn down a shot, no problem. BUT ... if I take that first shot, I'm powerless to say "no" to the second shot, or the third, or the fourth. So don't be so dumb to think you can have "just one small shot" then get back to being clean ... that ain't happening, and you know it.

[websurfpro]

First all of all I want to congratullate you on your 90 days staying clean. The craving will go away day by day just try to see a psihologisy and talk with him, it will help a lot.