New Co-Dependant Here

[wen54542003]

I have recently started up counciling because my AA ex-boyfriend (now) started to make me think I was crazy. I actually thought I was crazy. I had all these thoughts in my head and when I tried to express them they never came out how I wanted them to. Which got us into many fights. He kicked me out of his house one night when he was drunk. I lived with him for 10 years and he was my high school sweetheart who I dated when I was 14 on through college. We went our seperate ways and then found each other after our divorces to other people. I moved in and it started off fine. The kids were little and were adjusting to everything. I felt strong and powerful at that time. I had left my ex-husband and NEW I could do it on my own. Then I found my ex-boyfriend who made me feel young again and even better. But as time went on he drank a little more than I suspected and we started having fights and he started calling me horrible names and said i was frigid and all kinds of nasty things. Always when he was drunk, which made my self esteem that I thought I had go down and down. He only said the things he did when he was drunk. When he wasn't he was fine. He didn't have a good relationship with my kids at all or his child either. But I always tried to make things good as if it was my fault. Well living with this for as long as I did made me a sniviling mess! And the more I tried to "fix" it the worse it got. (typical co dependant) then he said he couldn't take it anymore and called me and my son horrible names and told us to get out. That was October. I have been living on my own for 5 months. I still talked to him (my mistake) and we saw each other and went out and even have had sexual relations but HE was miserable. He said he liked being on his own and living without the DRAMA. So I decided to end everything a couple days ago. I havent seen or spoken or emailed him, and it hurts alot. I feel horrible. I would like some comforting words from people who have been there. Please tell me it gets better? Please!

[K8B]

You have the right to live free from abuse. No one has the right to call you names, hurt you or intimidate you (whether it is direct or indirect). There is no reason why you should put up with appalling behaviour from anyone - whether they have an alcohol problem or not. Being drunk is not an excuse. he knows how he behaves but continues anyway.
You've made a decision to care for yourself by ending the relationship and you did the right thing! He may plead and wheedle and make you feel sorry for him, but believe me, if you go back it will start again and probably get worse.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself and whenever you start to feel as if you've done the wrong thing remind yourself of the names he's called you, the things he's done to you and say to yourself "I deserve better" He is not your responsibility. He is a grown man and he is abusing you.
Take care.

K8B